SO it was a quiet night at the house on a late Thursday eve. There were only about 150 people or so... Another frat had stolen one of the Pi Kapp parties from last year and had decided to throw a glow party (black lights and etc.) so we just went right on ahead and threw one too, and even without advertisement (the other frat's was like, an actual sponsored social event or whatever approved by the school), we had a bigger, better crowd and a lot more awesome time. I'd not been drinking all that much that night as the beer was not up to par for my taste and the punch left a little to be wanted. THe night was waning on and we pass midnight. Not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, I did the 3 jello shots offered to me and then also joined in on a nice game of Flipcup as they were short players.
I'm not sure if you know what Flip Cup is, as most people just settle for Beer Pong to satisfy their wanting to mix beer with solo cups and fun and games... Flip cup is a relay race of sorts that Im not entirely sure of the point as everyone ends up drinking the same amount and there is no loss to the loser. *Mind I've never understood how losing at beer pong was really losing. You got more beer that way... Guess it's just a matter of is free beer worth losing pride and bragging rights for... Matter of opion I suppose. Anyway, flip cup you drink the beer, sit the cup on the edge of whatever surface you are playing on and then use your finger to attempt to flip the cup over and make it land standing. I'm actually quite good at flip cup, usually only taking one to two tries for my cup to be flipped and the turn to move on down the line.
Flip cup players were few and far between that night and in the three rounds that were played I'd already seen my team change at least 2 players each game. Only three of us were left of the starting players. A friend of mine was starting to my left. I was second. A girl friend of mine was to my right and some tall obese blonde kid with curls and doucherimmed glasses was to her right. Dillon toasted, drank, and flipped on the first try. I drank, flipped, SHIT It didn't stand. Again. DAMNIT! Again. FUCK!! AGAIN. Never in my LIFE! UGH. The other team had all finished before they told me to stop and we'd just refill the cups. Then I hear it. Funny enough, a comment that no one knew would actually be the gavel falling.
"Do you need me to teach you how to flip your cup over?"
The story is about to get a little hazy, as obviously this was not the correct thing to say. This was REALLY not the right thing to say to someone who lives in the house, who sleeps
beside an active, prominent member of the Fraternity whose house in which you are an uninvited guest. DEFINITLEY not something to say to ME.
But me being a mature and responsible adult I calmly and politely explained to him the situation
"NO I do NOT need YOU to teach me how to Flip my Fucking Cup over"
I'm not entirely sure of the series of events that followed as whatever his response was sent me into an absolute blackening out rage. I recall mentioning something about respect and I remember someone holding me back from tearing him limb from limb. And then the fog was lifted. I managed to get out of the hold someone had on my arms and I told my team mates "Sorry, But I'm not playing anymore."
I went to find Alex and told him what happened. His fairly obvious response was "Well he needs to leave. Just show me who he is." We go back to being social and didn't see him again. I figure maybe he got scared and correctly decided it would be in his best interest if he went ahead and vacated the premises. A little while later a little group was hanging out by the limo and suddenly someone makes a totally inappropriate comment AGAIN. I don't remember what it was, but I do remember a girlfriend of mine, Kaylan and myself telling a guy he needed to get the fuck out of here.
Another friend and Brother, Gurley, actually tactfully explains the situation to the guy
"You need to leave the property now. "
As this polite exchange was occuring I realised who the guy was and leaned into Alex
"That's the guy from earlier. That's that blonde guy"
So Alex bids Blonde kid farewell the moment Gurley finished his statement
"Have a good Fucking Night."
The thought process of this young man has to be a little slower than that of the average armadillo. He turns around and has the audacity to tell Alex how inappropriate his comment was as
"I was already leaving man, there's no reason to be an asshole"
I mean, really. Did someone just let him out of his helmet and padded room TODAY? I'm sure one can imagine just how well being a complete and total jackfuck went down. Everyone was in such a bout of rage at this point I do not believe anyone remembers the exact conversation that led to the fall of the giant, but everyone know it wasn't by a slingshot and a rock this go round.
Blonde douchebag makes an advance and Alex moves forward. Kaylan, just trying to save a man's life (she's a nursing major), gets between Blonde douchebag and Alex and tries to stop the ensuing fight. She puts her hands up to hold off Blonde douchebag and he makes a very wise decision and slaps her hands away.
The next second his face was hitting pavement. A head shorter, 70 lb lighter Alex had him pinned and wasn't letting go till the giant was subdued (and unconsious). Alex choked him completely out. Alex would have walked away without a mark on him, save his brothers hadn't pulled him across the asfault when they were forcing him off the guy. But the bit of road rash just made him look even more like a bad ass (not that he needed any help in that category after the last 30 seconds). They finally get Alex off him and Kaylan and I both are trying our best to save a life now
"Let me go. Just let me go back" Alex says as I'm struggling to hold him.
"Just let me back over there!"
"Alex, He's done. He's unconscious."
Whenever the guy's escorts were able to get him up and off the property he had to walk right by Campus Safety to go back to the car. Gurley and another brother were there talking to Sarge. Sarge sees Blonde Douchebag
"Geeze, what happened to him?"
"It looks like he got his ass kicked."
"I think he tripped."
Sarge: "I'm going to pretend I never heard any of that."
Such is the story of the night Alex slayed the Blonde Douchbag.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Testing, testing, 1-2-3
So after being out of school for 5 years, I have a HUGE test today, that actually does kinda have a lot to do with my current situation in life--THE US POSTAL EXAM. I have wanted to work at the post office for quite a while now. Depending upon which type of post office and what job you luck up with you may have really long, really sucky hours, but the pay is OUT THE ROOF. I've known quite a few people now who have worked in various positions with the governmental snail mail and I really think I'd like the job.
Current person that I know who works with the USPS is my best friend Miranda. Miranda works at a local post office (that doesn't have the long crazy hours and what not) and luckily for me they got approved to hire someone the other week. So she has already been talking me up to the postmaster, letting him know I'm really interested and all that jazz... But you have to apply for the post office online. AND you have to wait for THEM to actually post the job you want before you can apply for it. So for weeks I'd been checking the website nearly everyday just waiting for the job to post.
Wednesday morning it did. So I applied. The next step in the application process is doing one of those survey things that lets them get to know what kind of a person you are and all that it seems EVERYONE is doing now-a-days. THEN you have to register to take the exam. Also lucky for me, Miranda had bought one of those test prep books 5 years ago when she was going to take her test so I'd borrowed it when they said they were going to have a postition. I had not actually USED it, but it was there. I didn't realize that I would be able to schedule (and take) my test so soon after applying or I would have practicing since the day I brought it home...
Thursday my sister wanted me to check the website and see which other post offices were hiring right now. I logged on and checked the website and the post for MY office was GONE! I called Miranda, worried maybe there'd been a mistake or maybe they'd already hired someone... But no. Apparently so they could hire someone faster they only posted their position for one day so not many people would have applied. (Thank GOD I happened to check it THAT day... Also, THANK GOD not very many people will be going for the job. Also, they may be hiring two people, not just one, so that increases my chances as well!)
So I scheduled my exam for today (so JD can drive to Atlanta with me...). I was going to go yesterday, but I decided to study and I did one of the practice tests and did NOT do very well on it (I was very slow)... So I figured maybe I needed an extra day to prepare.
The test will have 4 different sections. The first is matching addresses... or well, more like, tell if there's a difference. The "questions" will have 2 addresses that will either be slightly different (like, one letter off, etc) or EXACTLY the same. Sounds simple enough, but there are 95 and you have 6 minutes to do it. Miranda says that they only count the ones you answer. If you only answer 70 you only get graded for those 70. I really hope she's right. I'm not incredibly slow or anything, but answering 84 out of 95 and those 11 being automatically wrong would just completely fuck me up. So... Here's praying she's right.
Another little tid bit on that particular test part... when I said EXACTLY the same, I mean that. I kept practice testing and practice testing and kept having like, 8 wrong. I was like, that's impossible. When I went back to see which ones they were, they were ones that I would say were the same address. I mean, 124 Main Street in real life is the same as 124 Main St. Well, on the test, THAT IS DIFFERENT. And I mean, yeah, it IS different, but the practice book didn't exactly explain that they have to be absolutely identical. But anyway...
The next part of the test they give you 5 boxes with 5 addresses in each one. You get 11 minutes to study and memorize it. Then you have each of the 25 addresses repeated randomly 88 times on your test paper and you have to mark which box (a-e) they belong to WITHOUT THE PAPER--ONLY from memorization, in 5 minutes. I could go into how I maneuver this, but that's WAY too much detail to bother with.
The third part of the test is just 24 number sequences and one has to find the next numbers in the sequence. For me this is the easiest part... Plus you get 20 minutes to do this test, which I find a little long. I mean, 5 minutes is barely long enough to Christmas tree a scan tron if you fill the bubbles in correctly, let alone actually looking for the correct answer to 88 questions, but then they give you 20 minutes for this?
Some are simple just adding, subtracting, and multiplication, but then you get these random ones you have to decipher. For example...
2 4 6 8 ___ ___ Easy enough, right? Well, take THIS one
49 40 36 39 31 22 42 ___ ___ *And my actual practice EXAM ended up having nothing but those kinds in the sequence part of it...
The next part is following directions where they'll give you a situation and if such and such is true mark THIS but if not then mark THIS. I didn't actually get to practice any of those, but I read through them and it's easy as long as you are a good listener.
The End.
I'm not incredibly worried anymore... I mean, I was not worried about making a LOW score, but worried that someone else would make higher than me and they would get the job that I have been wanting for over 2 years now. I mean, I was lucky the job even OPENED (the postal service's budget had been so low they let people take their early retirement and then did not hire people to replace them)... Lucky enough that I have a pretty good reference... Lucky enough I checked the website that day and actually even got to APPLY... And I surely don't want to not get it just because I have a slightly lower test score than someone else.
I really need the job. It will be delivering, but as relief (for when people are out, etc), the money is AWESOME, the hours will vary, I'll still have lots of time off, I'll get off pretty early in the day everyday (as opposed to 7 and 8 pm, thank you DOC)... And if I'm sick (which I am quite often it seems lately) all I'm doing is driving around so I should still be able to manage to go! Hopefully I will still be able to model too, but if not, I guess oh well... I really need they money that comes along with all the other greatness of being a government employee...
But great news, IF Miranda is correct and they only score you on the questions you complete, I made a 98 on the full practice exam! So, wish me luck people, send up a prayer, and if I get the job, the celebrations on me!
Current person that I know who works with the USPS is my best friend Miranda. Miranda works at a local post office (that doesn't have the long crazy hours and what not) and luckily for me they got approved to hire someone the other week. So she has already been talking me up to the postmaster, letting him know I'm really interested and all that jazz... But you have to apply for the post office online. AND you have to wait for THEM to actually post the job you want before you can apply for it. So for weeks I'd been checking the website nearly everyday just waiting for the job to post.
Wednesday morning it did. So I applied. The next step in the application process is doing one of those survey things that lets them get to know what kind of a person you are and all that it seems EVERYONE is doing now-a-days. THEN you have to register to take the exam. Also lucky for me, Miranda had bought one of those test prep books 5 years ago when she was going to take her test so I'd borrowed it when they said they were going to have a postition. I had not actually USED it, but it was there. I didn't realize that I would be able to schedule (and take) my test so soon after applying or I would have practicing since the day I brought it home...
Thursday my sister wanted me to check the website and see which other post offices were hiring right now. I logged on and checked the website and the post for MY office was GONE! I called Miranda, worried maybe there'd been a mistake or maybe they'd already hired someone... But no. Apparently so they could hire someone faster they only posted their position for one day so not many people would have applied. (Thank GOD I happened to check it THAT day... Also, THANK GOD not very many people will be going for the job. Also, they may be hiring two people, not just one, so that increases my chances as well!)
So I scheduled my exam for today (so JD can drive to Atlanta with me...). I was going to go yesterday, but I decided to study and I did one of the practice tests and did NOT do very well on it (I was very slow)... So I figured maybe I needed an extra day to prepare.
The test will have 4 different sections. The first is matching addresses... or well, more like, tell if there's a difference. The "questions" will have 2 addresses that will either be slightly different (like, one letter off, etc) or EXACTLY the same. Sounds simple enough, but there are 95 and you have 6 minutes to do it. Miranda says that they only count the ones you answer. If you only answer 70 you only get graded for those 70. I really hope she's right. I'm not incredibly slow or anything, but answering 84 out of 95 and those 11 being automatically wrong would just completely fuck me up. So... Here's praying she's right.
Another little tid bit on that particular test part... when I said EXACTLY the same, I mean that. I kept practice testing and practice testing and kept having like, 8 wrong. I was like, that's impossible. When I went back to see which ones they were, they were ones that I would say were the same address. I mean, 124 Main Street in real life is the same as 124 Main St. Well, on the test, THAT IS DIFFERENT. And I mean, yeah, it IS different, but the practice book didn't exactly explain that they have to be absolutely identical. But anyway...
The next part of the test they give you 5 boxes with 5 addresses in each one. You get 11 minutes to study and memorize it. Then you have each of the 25 addresses repeated randomly 88 times on your test paper and you have to mark which box (a-e) they belong to WITHOUT THE PAPER--ONLY from memorization, in 5 minutes. I could go into how I maneuver this, but that's WAY too much detail to bother with.
The third part of the test is just 24 number sequences and one has to find the next numbers in the sequence. For me this is the easiest part... Plus you get 20 minutes to do this test, which I find a little long. I mean, 5 minutes is barely long enough to Christmas tree a scan tron if you fill the bubbles in correctly, let alone actually looking for the correct answer to 88 questions, but then they give you 20 minutes for this?
Some are simple just adding, subtracting, and multiplication, but then you get these random ones you have to decipher. For example...
2 4 6 8 ___ ___ Easy enough, right? Well, take THIS one
49 40 36 39 31 22 42 ___ ___ *And my actual practice EXAM ended up having nothing but those kinds in the sequence part of it...
The next part is following directions where they'll give you a situation and if such and such is true mark THIS but if not then mark THIS. I didn't actually get to practice any of those, but I read through them and it's easy as long as you are a good listener.
The End.
I'm not incredibly worried anymore... I mean, I was not worried about making a LOW score, but worried that someone else would make higher than me and they would get the job that I have been wanting for over 2 years now. I mean, I was lucky the job even OPENED (the postal service's budget had been so low they let people take their early retirement and then did not hire people to replace them)... Lucky enough that I have a pretty good reference... Lucky enough I checked the website that day and actually even got to APPLY... And I surely don't want to not get it just because I have a slightly lower test score than someone else.
I really need the job. It will be delivering, but as relief (for when people are out, etc), the money is AWESOME, the hours will vary, I'll still have lots of time off, I'll get off pretty early in the day everyday (as opposed to 7 and 8 pm, thank you DOC)... And if I'm sick (which I am quite often it seems lately) all I'm doing is driving around so I should still be able to manage to go! Hopefully I will still be able to model too, but if not, I guess oh well... I really need they money that comes along with all the other greatness of being a government employee...
But great news, IF Miranda is correct and they only score you on the questions you complete, I made a 98 on the full practice exam! So, wish me luck people, send up a prayer, and if I get the job, the celebrations on me!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Blurple? Seriously?
I did indeed get up on Tuesday... Or well, actually I stayed up all night Monday night... But anyway. That night I had resolved that if I am going to have to actually start living in our bedroom then I was going to make it a place I would actually want to live. Maybe I should give a little background information on my situation here so you can better understand.
I'll just get to the point. The house was terrible. I'll put it this way as well... this was not JD's choice. We'll not talk about whose choice it WAS, but it was not HIS. The layout isn't awful, but the rooms are sort of smallish (for now)... Well, crude as it may be, here is the layout before
The rooms from left to right, top to bottom are:
Mudroom - Bathroom - Music Room - Kitchen
Master Bedroom - Living Room - Dining Room
Focus on the kitchen for a moment. Notice the stove at the END of the counter... Just stuck there, at the end of the counter AND at the EDGE of the doorway. Like, it lined up with the edge of it. Ugh. The block in the corner is a freestanding antiquey pantry. The block further down in the corner is the fridge. Next to that is a small freezer. Ok.... The little niche those are in was light blue color. The rest of the kitchen was a dark royalish color that was not... very nice... I mean, it was just, ugh. Add the halfway done glossy white tile "backsplash" behind the stove, awesome.
Moving on, Dining room. The dining room is teal. Teal with like, dark peacock green trim. The living room is somewhere between seafoam and mint. the guest room was just an ugly beige. The bathroom was a weird dark "periwinkle" color, but not quite, with mainly green stone looking linoleum that actually is pretty nice. To go a little further on the wretchedness of the bathroom, said OTHER person had painted the trim the periwinkle color also (which is just... flat out stupid. I'll go ahead and say it). To make it even worse, the room has "wainscotting" So white wainscotting, but then the trim around the wainscotting the same color as the wall? What the hell? Ok people, NEVER do that. Mudroom was also just beige. And the Master... Ok, the MASTER bedroom was blurple. Blurple is a color Allen and I came up with which describes a blue that can't decide if it is purple or a purple that can't decide if it is blue. And like, the wordy descriptions almost make them sound pretty, compared to the mental vomit session you have when you see them... But anyway. Of course we got right on that. The following is the layout now... (so far only the kitchen has actually changed layout wise, but it makes MUCH more sense.
So anyway, now the walls in the kitchen are black. Yes black. We moved the counter over, added a galvanized steel backsplash along the entire stove wall, painted all the trim white, AND knocked out the wall and put a 4 feet wide archway to the dining room. We also added wall back so the counter would not be ON the edge of the archway as it had been before. Facing the archway in the little niche there will be a butler's pantry at some point and the left wall of the niche will be black board paint with a 6" drink ledge going across it at chair rail height.
The dining room is still teal, but for now it's not the worst thing. We're going to move the wall between the dining room and living room over to make the living room larger and the dining room smaller so we'll tackle all that then. The living room is still seafoamy mint (but that will be changing in the VERY near future...) Eventually the living room will be fabricated with red damask, but for now we'll just paint. The other week I got fed up with the bathroom. I also realized that the trim color in the dining room is actually pretty if IT had've been on the walls instead of trim so I painted the bathroom that color and painted all the trim white. Now it is glorious. ESPECIALLY with the floor. Allen took the music room so now the mudroom is the "music room" (really just musical instrument storage right now). Allen painted his bedroom a very nice smokey blue.
I believe, well, every room should be nice, BUT I especially want luxury in my bedroom. I mean, I go all out with expensive comforters, 6 pillows (not including the accent and neck roll pillows), at least 400 thread count sheets... I mean, I like my bedroom to be NICE. All of my furniture is black. Black does NOT go with blurple. Neither does gold and peacock damask or black and "taupe" damask... you get where I'm going with this. So now the master bedroom is a rich golden color that's utter perfection. The current comforter is the black and "taupe" damask and now all is right with the world. I'm still getting it put back together, but once I do, I'll definitely put up some pictures. For now, I'm off to buy curtains!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Well I'm not dying...
So it's been a few days but I am FINALLY feeling better. After work Friday (which was without unattractive naked coughing fits, thank God) I went to see the ol' family doc. Well, actually I went to see a nurse practitioner... I personally have VERY little faith in Nurse Practitioners... Nurse Practitioners like to believe they are doctors, but they are, in fact, NOT doctors. If they were doctors, they wouldn't be called Nurse Practitioners. They would be called Doctors (which they are not). Every one I have ever had the pleasure of being examined by either really didn't know what the hell they were doing, either really didn't know what the hell they were doing and acted like they did cause they were too embarrassed to get help from the doctor, OR they either really didn't know what the hell they were doing but TRULY believed they DID and actually believed themselves to be doctors and ordered tests and what not without asking the doctor if that was indeed what they should do AND without telling you in advance how much it was going to cost you. In all of these experiences I was always diagnosed wrongly and had to return at a later date to see the DOCTOR to FINALLY get well, But ANYWAY....
So my sister used to work at said doctor's office and has a little pull with people so I called her on the way to work to see if she could get me an appointment. She called (and of course did) BUT the only person who could see me was the nurse practitioner. I thought she was referring to the only nurse practitioner I knew to be in the office. As it turns out there is another one in the office whom I was assured was much more thorough and I would really like. So I said fine and went. I knew what I needed and you can't really mess up an infection diagnosis when a person has green stuff coming up out of their lungs....The only little bit I was worried about was the MRSA part... but I also know how big a deal MRSA is and that NO ONE is willing to play with that...And I also knew that if she didn't have a good enough excuse not to test me then I would ask to see the doctor and ask her what she thought (cause I'm ... "assertive" ... like that).
So I get there barely after 230 (my appointment time) and I was out of there by 308. I found this to be probably the shortest amount of time I have ever spent in a doctor's office as an actual patient. I weighed a whole 94 lbs that day (wearing a coat and boots, etc...so probably still around the normal 87, which by the way will be addressed in an entirely different blog. SOON), didn't actually get my temperature checked (cause I couldn't remember if I'd had anything to drink in the past 15 minutes. I was pretty sure I hadn't, but since I had a bottle of Cranberry juice WITH me the assistant said she'd check it when she came back... but she never came back). Blood Pressure 110/72. At least she was able to check it. The last time I was in the office the CMS (certified medical assistant) couldn't take my blood pressure (after attempting a FEW times) AND then couldn't find my pulse! She gave up and just listened to my heart instead and someone else had to come take my vitals...Anyway... Shortly after she left, the NP came in.
It's kinda funny telling a medical professional what you do for a living (when you're me, anyway). After the preliminaries we got into my leaky faucet symptoms, the fact that I didn't have a runny nose until I went out in the cold the night before at 2 AM to buy an Xbox, the green gunk, and finally my most recent close contact MRSA experience. A little note to all of you, luckily (as I kinda figured, but wanted to be sure) one cannot catch the pneumonia causing MRSA from a skin infection causing MRSA. So that's good. She listened to my lungs (no pneumonia...But ironically enough my grandfather was admitted to the hospital the same day for pneumonia), did the whole check up deal...
I'm assuming it's an upper respiratory infection (which I have had 3 times now since Thanksgiving...What's up with that?!). She never actually gave me a diagnosis... but I have chest congestion, runny nose, sneezing (began on the way home from the doctor... typical), fluid behind my ears, etc. So I have an antibiotic that is weird (the medicine is weird. Not the fact she gave me an antibiotic. I knew I was going to get one of those). Because of odd circumstances (and after talking about giving me like, three other antibiotics) she gave me Ciprofloxacin, which has like, really odd warnings and restrictions and side effects. I mean, I know not to drink a lot of milk or whatever when congestion is involved cause it makes the congestion worse, but with this medicine, you like, CANNOT have calcium period! It's insane. The actual bottle says: This medication should be taken with plenty of water. Take this medicine at least 2 hours before or at least 6 hours after magnesium or aluminum containing antacids, or other products containing calcium, iron, or zinc. DO NOT TAKE THIS MEDICINE AT THE SAME TIME AS MILK, CALCIUM-FORTIFIED BEVERAGES, OR YOGURT. So yeah, anyway. AND she gave me a cough medicine that was supposed to take care of everything else.
I asked specifically if said cough medicine had an expectorant or a suppressant in it. She made out like it ONLY had an expectorant. As far as I read the papers made it sound like it only had a suppressant. I have never understood giving someone with chest congestion a medicine that has a suppressant in it. Why take away the urge to cough when the best thing is to get all that junk out?! But anyway.... Apparently it sucks all the water out of the mucous and what not that is everywhere (chest, nose, sinuses, etc). The bottle instructed to drink plenty of water as well cause apparently since it sucks all the water out of the mucous then it obviously gets dry and boogered up in your lungs and will make it even harder to breathe. So lots of water. Great. I really cannot stand drinking water...It's nearly like sticking my finger down my throat. The lack of taste just works on my gag reflex... This cough syrup though is weird too. It's like liquor. You could freeze it, but when it gets in your mouth it heats everything up. But then after you swallow it feels like everything is numb, like you've been sucking on Sucrets. THEN you get very dizzy. Like, the first few times I was so dizzy I fell over and couldn't really even hold my arm up, let alone get myself up...
While we're discussing medicine, another little handy tidbit. Publix has FREE antibiotics. There is still uncertainty whether or not this is ANY antibiotic or if there is a specific list, BUT FREE antibiotics. Funny enough, I'd told the NP that was why I wanted to use Publix as my pharmacy and she had said that if the Ciprofloxacin was not free it would be cheap (as I am a self pay patient, she and I both were concerned over my cost of, well, everything). Anyway, why did I start that as "funny enough" you ask? Because my antibiotic was, in fact, free. Which was great! BUT after after being concerned about the cost of the antibiotic, she gave me a cough syrup that was $28 AND that there was no generic for...awesome.
OH! While we're discussing the cost of health care (not that it's going to matter much longer anyway... but that's a completely different subject as well), I have found that I was CRAZY to pay for insurance. I mean, Yes, I know that if I ever have an emergency or a surgery or a hospital stay that I'm pretty much filing bankruptcy, BUT I used to pay $40 a WEEK for insurance. That's OVER $2000 a YEAR. Friday I paid 40 whole dollars to see my doctor (because they will discount the visit for self-pay patients). I paid $28 for my medicine. That's $68. Some people would have still had to pay that amount or higher even with insurance! I have been to the doctor twice in the whole of 09 and so far into 2010. That's like a total of $130. Hmm... You're intelligent people... You can see my point.
So anyway. Of course after you start taking medicine you start feeling a lot worse before you feel any better, so after Friday I have spent the past 3 days sleeping. Which is kinda how I'd been spending the last week as well, but I slept more these few days. Which both medicines say they can cause dizziness and drowsiness, so I'm assuming that is why. But today I actually got up (at like, 9 PM) and took a shower... I feel ok right now. The nose has stopped running more or less so I can get to sleep a lot easier too. I still didn't quite feel like DOING anything today, but maybe by tomorrow I will feel like getting up off the futon and getting my house somewhat back in order (it's a wreck when I'm sick... Like, dishes all over the living room, trashcans by the couch overflowing with Kleenexes...etc, you know how it is).
I had a note from Allen (our new roomie) today which read:
Fluffy,
I propose a cleaning orgy either tonight or tomorrow.
You dig?
-Pookie.
It made me laugh. But I digged it A LOT. He's off tomorrow so hopefully we can get this place back in order after my week long infirmary convalescent futon stay and his moving in! HOPEFULLY I will feel like getting further than taking a shower tomorrow. Either way, I'm not dead yet, I'm feeling much better, and I don't want to go on the cart!
Thanks for the well wishes guys!
So my sister used to work at said doctor's office and has a little pull with people so I called her on the way to work to see if she could get me an appointment. She called (and of course did) BUT the only person who could see me was the nurse practitioner. I thought she was referring to the only nurse practitioner I knew to be in the office. As it turns out there is another one in the office whom I was assured was much more thorough and I would really like. So I said fine and went. I knew what I needed and you can't really mess up an infection diagnosis when a person has green stuff coming up out of their lungs....The only little bit I was worried about was the MRSA part... but I also know how big a deal MRSA is and that NO ONE is willing to play with that...And I also knew that if she didn't have a good enough excuse not to test me then I would ask to see the doctor and ask her what she thought (cause I'm ... "assertive" ... like that).
So I get there barely after 230 (my appointment time) and I was out of there by 308. I found this to be probably the shortest amount of time I have ever spent in a doctor's office as an actual patient. I weighed a whole 94 lbs that day (wearing a coat and boots, etc...so probably still around the normal 87, which by the way will be addressed in an entirely different blog. SOON), didn't actually get my temperature checked (cause I couldn't remember if I'd had anything to drink in the past 15 minutes. I was pretty sure I hadn't, but since I had a bottle of Cranberry juice WITH me the assistant said she'd check it when she came back... but she never came back). Blood Pressure 110/72. At least she was able to check it. The last time I was in the office the CMS (certified medical assistant) couldn't take my blood pressure (after attempting a FEW times) AND then couldn't find my pulse! She gave up and just listened to my heart instead and someone else had to come take my vitals...Anyway... Shortly after she left, the NP came in.
It's kinda funny telling a medical professional what you do for a living (when you're me, anyway). After the preliminaries we got into my leaky faucet symptoms, the fact that I didn't have a runny nose until I went out in the cold the night before at 2 AM to buy an Xbox, the green gunk, and finally my most recent close contact MRSA experience. A little note to all of you, luckily (as I kinda figured, but wanted to be sure) one cannot catch the pneumonia causing MRSA from a skin infection causing MRSA. So that's good. She listened to my lungs (no pneumonia...But ironically enough my grandfather was admitted to the hospital the same day for pneumonia), did the whole check up deal...
I'm assuming it's an upper respiratory infection (which I have had 3 times now since Thanksgiving...What's up with that?!). She never actually gave me a diagnosis... but I have chest congestion, runny nose, sneezing (began on the way home from the doctor... typical), fluid behind my ears, etc. So I have an antibiotic that is weird (the medicine is weird. Not the fact she gave me an antibiotic. I knew I was going to get one of those). Because of odd circumstances (and after talking about giving me like, three other antibiotics) she gave me Ciprofloxacin, which has like, really odd warnings and restrictions and side effects. I mean, I know not to drink a lot of milk or whatever when congestion is involved cause it makes the congestion worse, but with this medicine, you like, CANNOT have calcium period! It's insane. The actual bottle says: This medication should be taken with plenty of water. Take this medicine at least 2 hours before or at least 6 hours after magnesium or aluminum containing antacids, or other products containing calcium, iron, or zinc. DO NOT TAKE THIS MEDICINE AT THE SAME TIME AS MILK, CALCIUM-FORTIFIED BEVERAGES, OR YOGURT. So yeah, anyway. AND she gave me a cough medicine that was supposed to take care of everything else.
I asked specifically if said cough medicine had an expectorant or a suppressant in it. She made out like it ONLY had an expectorant. As far as I read the papers made it sound like it only had a suppressant. I have never understood giving someone with chest congestion a medicine that has a suppressant in it. Why take away the urge to cough when the best thing is to get all that junk out?! But anyway.... Apparently it sucks all the water out of the mucous and what not that is everywhere (chest, nose, sinuses, etc). The bottle instructed to drink plenty of water as well cause apparently since it sucks all the water out of the mucous then it obviously gets dry and boogered up in your lungs and will make it even harder to breathe. So lots of water. Great. I really cannot stand drinking water...It's nearly like sticking my finger down my throat. The lack of taste just works on my gag reflex... This cough syrup though is weird too. It's like liquor. You could freeze it, but when it gets in your mouth it heats everything up. But then after you swallow it feels like everything is numb, like you've been sucking on Sucrets. THEN you get very dizzy. Like, the first few times I was so dizzy I fell over and couldn't really even hold my arm up, let alone get myself up...
While we're discussing medicine, another little handy tidbit. Publix has FREE antibiotics. There is still uncertainty whether or not this is ANY antibiotic or if there is a specific list, BUT FREE antibiotics. Funny enough, I'd told the NP that was why I wanted to use Publix as my pharmacy and she had said that if the Ciprofloxacin was not free it would be cheap (as I am a self pay patient, she and I both were concerned over my cost of, well, everything). Anyway, why did I start that as "funny enough" you ask? Because my antibiotic was, in fact, free. Which was great! BUT after after being concerned about the cost of the antibiotic, she gave me a cough syrup that was $28 AND that there was no generic for...awesome.
OH! While we're discussing the cost of health care (not that it's going to matter much longer anyway... but that's a completely different subject as well), I have found that I was CRAZY to pay for insurance. I mean, Yes, I know that if I ever have an emergency or a surgery or a hospital stay that I'm pretty much filing bankruptcy, BUT I used to pay $40 a WEEK for insurance. That's OVER $2000 a YEAR. Friday I paid 40 whole dollars to see my doctor (because they will discount the visit for self-pay patients). I paid $28 for my medicine. That's $68. Some people would have still had to pay that amount or higher even with insurance! I have been to the doctor twice in the whole of 09 and so far into 2010. That's like a total of $130. Hmm... You're intelligent people... You can see my point.
So anyway. Of course after you start taking medicine you start feeling a lot worse before you feel any better, so after Friday I have spent the past 3 days sleeping. Which is kinda how I'd been spending the last week as well, but I slept more these few days. Which both medicines say they can cause dizziness and drowsiness, so I'm assuming that is why. But today I actually got up (at like, 9 PM) and took a shower... I feel ok right now. The nose has stopped running more or less so I can get to sleep a lot easier too. I still didn't quite feel like DOING anything today, but maybe by tomorrow I will feel like getting up off the futon and getting my house somewhat back in order (it's a wreck when I'm sick... Like, dishes all over the living room, trashcans by the couch overflowing with Kleenexes...etc, you know how it is).
I had a note from Allen (our new roomie) today which read:
Fluffy,
I propose a cleaning orgy either tonight or tomorrow.
You dig?
-Pookie.
It made me laugh. But I digged it A LOT. He's off tomorrow so hopefully we can get this place back in order after my week long infirmary convalescent futon stay and his moving in! HOPEFULLY I will feel like getting further than taking a shower tomorrow. Either way, I'm not dead yet, I'm feeling much better, and I don't want to go on the cart!
Thanks for the well wishes guys!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Dear body, get well soon (aka NOW). I'm BEGGING you. Much Love, Erica
Of course now that I have time to do things (since I don't work 60 hours a week every week anymore) I am freaking SICK. I don't know whether to blame the weather, my friend Brian (who really can't be blamed... I did invite him to taste my beer), or the lack of Slim Rite in my diet.
Slim Rite, you wonder? Well, Slim Rite is Kroger's brand of Slim Fast. I personally (if I were indeed trying to lose weight) would want to achieve this the correct way and not the quick way, but whatever. Anyway... Slim Rite is a lot cheaper and it tastes a lot better than Slim Fast. Slim Rite is also a lot cheaper and tastes a lot better than the nutritional beverage seen in every adult over the age of sixty's tight grip, Boost. Boost comes in small little plastic bottles (which are bad for the environment too) and come in packs of 6 for like, a million dollars. It really is like 8 or something seriously. Slim Rite on the other hand comes in 12 oz CANS and are like, 8 bucks for a 12 pack... So yeah. Anyway... That doesn't answer WHY I was drinking 2 to 3 cans of Slim Rite a day...
So I was drinking 2 to 3 cans of Slim Rite a day because #1 they're delicious. ESPECIALLY if you get the Creamy Milk Chocolate flavor. Don't get me wrong, Chocolate Royale is ok too, but ironically it does not have as rich a flavor as simple old Creamy Milk Chocolate. #2 they're also cheaper than Carnation Instant Breakfast (for the excuse to drink them in the morning)... #3 have you ever looked at the nutritional value of one of these 12 oz cans?! JUST IN ONE, ok, you have 35% of your Vitamins A, D, B1, B2, B3, B6, B12, Magnesium, Panthothenic Acid, Manganese, Chromium (not the kind that had Erin Brockovich's panties all in a twist), and Molybdenum. You get 50% of your Calcium, 20% of your dietary fiber and protein, 15% of your Iron and Zinc, 25% Vitamin K, and 30% of your Folic Acid. If all those things aren't great enough as it is, you ALSO get a whopping 100% of your Vitamin C! All within a 180 calorie tasty beverage.
#4 I have problems with my stomach and the amount it likes to contain at one time. For me to be able to get all those nutrients from EATING is like, IMPOSSIBLE. Not to mention before when I was working 60 hours a week I barely had time to eat during the day anyway. So then it was REALLY impossible. #5 I am skinny. Like, stupid skinny. I am in no way healthy though. Some people just assume if you're not fat then you must be healthy. Very common misconception. Absolutely faery story, myth, urban legend. I don't eat right. Even when I try it doesn't quite work out for me... I don't really work out or anything either. I mean, sure I weigh very little so I can do things like push ups etc, but it's not cause I'm strong. It's cause I'm just so light it isn't much work. I just can't gain weight. I've been the same size since like, freshman year of high school. SO anyway, #5 I'm skinny but unhealthy so I could use the nutrients. #6 Not only am I just generally unhealthy, I also get sick A LOT. BUT the entire time I was drinking these said drinks I showed no signs of cold, cough, sore throat, etc. SO! Coincidence? I think NOT. You can't exactly beat 300% of your vitamin C for keeping illness at bay...
In no way was I using the tasty beverages as a means to lose weight. I drank these in ADDITION to all the other food I ate. I did not replace meals with these. I actually would even drink them as my drink for my meal. Anyway, now that we have all that cleared up and no one thinks I'm a crazy little skinny girl who thinks she needs to lose weight....
Monday after I got home from work I was crazy tired. This really should have been a sign. But anyway. I went to sleep and slept all afternoon. Blogged the night away when I finally did wake up. Then slept all day on Tuesday. The times I DID wake up (and obviously decided to go back to sleep) my throat felt funny... not really sore, just like i needed to clear my throat. Then when I did get up I felt like someone had left a spigot dripping down my lungs, slowly filling them up.
Wednesday I got up, still feeling somewhat awful and went to work. It wasn't terrible. Not yet anyway. It was great fun (just as I expected). The Professor left half way through for some meeting and I was left in charge of the class. AND I found out I make a dollar fifty MORE an hour than origianally agreed upon! After class though was when it all started to go REALLY down hill.
Sunlight does not like me. On a regular ol' cloudless day it is too bright to live. Driving is not particularly safe on a sunny day as my eyes have an unnatural urge to close and stay that way. So on top of just feeling not very well and beginning to show signs of fever I also had to drive 45 minutes with my eyes squinted nearly to closing cause of the terrible sun. Squinting gives me a headache. By the time I made it home I was MISERABLE. I had a fever. I had chills. I had a headache. I had higher blood pressure than usual. I had a leaky faucet dripping in my lungs. And now my throat WAS sore. I took 2 Advil and slept all afternoon. Literally. from 3 to 10 I was out.
JD had gone to the store and bought me some soup. Cambell's Chunky Chicken Noodle, NOT the Healthy Choice version (which tastes like shit. Well, not literally I am assuming, but it's not very good), which was nice. After watching a little "TV" aka Netflix (which is awesome by the way. You can click instant play and watch nearly anything instantly through your Xbox without having to wait on it to come in the mail) more sleep ensued and then I slept all day today as well.
I'm trying home remedies and Apple Cider Vinegar and drinking lots of water and keeping away from sugar and dairy and getting as much rest as possible cause I'm trying my best to at least FEEL better (if not BE better) by tomorrow at noon--Naked coughing fits are not sexy in the slightest.
Slim Rite, you wonder? Well, Slim Rite is Kroger's brand of Slim Fast. I personally (if I were indeed trying to lose weight) would want to achieve this the correct way and not the quick way, but whatever. Anyway... Slim Rite is a lot cheaper and it tastes a lot better than Slim Fast. Slim Rite is also a lot cheaper and tastes a lot better than the nutritional beverage seen in every adult over the age of sixty's tight grip, Boost. Boost comes in small little plastic bottles (which are bad for the environment too) and come in packs of 6 for like, a million dollars. It really is like 8 or something seriously. Slim Rite on the other hand comes in 12 oz CANS and are like, 8 bucks for a 12 pack... So yeah. Anyway... That doesn't answer WHY I was drinking 2 to 3 cans of Slim Rite a day...
So I was drinking 2 to 3 cans of Slim Rite a day because #1 they're delicious. ESPECIALLY if you get the Creamy Milk Chocolate flavor. Don't get me wrong, Chocolate Royale is ok too, but ironically it does not have as rich a flavor as simple old Creamy Milk Chocolate. #2 they're also cheaper than Carnation Instant Breakfast (for the excuse to drink them in the morning)... #3 have you ever looked at the nutritional value of one of these 12 oz cans?! JUST IN ONE, ok, you have 35% of your Vitamins A, D, B1, B2, B3, B6, B12, Magnesium, Panthothenic Acid, Manganese, Chromium (not the kind that had Erin Brockovich's panties all in a twist), and Molybdenum. You get 50% of your Calcium, 20% of your dietary fiber and protein, 15% of your Iron and Zinc, 25% Vitamin K, and 30% of your Folic Acid. If all those things aren't great enough as it is, you ALSO get a whopping 100% of your Vitamin C! All within a 180 calorie tasty beverage.
#4 I have problems with my stomach and the amount it likes to contain at one time. For me to be able to get all those nutrients from EATING is like, IMPOSSIBLE. Not to mention before when I was working 60 hours a week I barely had time to eat during the day anyway. So then it was REALLY impossible. #5 I am skinny. Like, stupid skinny. I am in no way healthy though. Some people just assume if you're not fat then you must be healthy. Very common misconception. Absolutely faery story, myth, urban legend. I don't eat right. Even when I try it doesn't quite work out for me... I don't really work out or anything either. I mean, sure I weigh very little so I can do things like push ups etc, but it's not cause I'm strong. It's cause I'm just so light it isn't much work. I just can't gain weight. I've been the same size since like, freshman year of high school. SO anyway, #5 I'm skinny but unhealthy so I could use the nutrients. #6 Not only am I just generally unhealthy, I also get sick A LOT. BUT the entire time I was drinking these said drinks I showed no signs of cold, cough, sore throat, etc. SO! Coincidence? I think NOT. You can't exactly beat 300% of your vitamin C for keeping illness at bay...
In no way was I using the tasty beverages as a means to lose weight. I drank these in ADDITION to all the other food I ate. I did not replace meals with these. I actually would even drink them as my drink for my meal. Anyway, now that we have all that cleared up and no one thinks I'm a crazy little skinny girl who thinks she needs to lose weight....
Monday after I got home from work I was crazy tired. This really should have been a sign. But anyway. I went to sleep and slept all afternoon. Blogged the night away when I finally did wake up. Then slept all day on Tuesday. The times I DID wake up (and obviously decided to go back to sleep) my throat felt funny... not really sore, just like i needed to clear my throat. Then when I did get up I felt like someone had left a spigot dripping down my lungs, slowly filling them up.
Wednesday I got up, still feeling somewhat awful and went to work. It wasn't terrible. Not yet anyway. It was great fun (just as I expected). The Professor left half way through for some meeting and I was left in charge of the class. AND I found out I make a dollar fifty MORE an hour than origianally agreed upon! After class though was when it all started to go REALLY down hill.
Sunlight does not like me. On a regular ol' cloudless day it is too bright to live. Driving is not particularly safe on a sunny day as my eyes have an unnatural urge to close and stay that way. So on top of just feeling not very well and beginning to show signs of fever I also had to drive 45 minutes with my eyes squinted nearly to closing cause of the terrible sun. Squinting gives me a headache. By the time I made it home I was MISERABLE. I had a fever. I had chills. I had a headache. I had higher blood pressure than usual. I had a leaky faucet dripping in my lungs. And now my throat WAS sore. I took 2 Advil and slept all afternoon. Literally. from 3 to 10 I was out.
JD had gone to the store and bought me some soup. Cambell's Chunky Chicken Noodle, NOT the Healthy Choice version (which tastes like shit. Well, not literally I am assuming, but it's not very good), which was nice. After watching a little "TV" aka Netflix (which is awesome by the way. You can click instant play and watch nearly anything instantly through your Xbox without having to wait on it to come in the mail) more sleep ensued and then I slept all day today as well.
I'm trying home remedies and Apple Cider Vinegar and drinking lots of water and keeping away from sugar and dairy and getting as much rest as possible cause I'm trying my best to at least FEEL better (if not BE better) by tomorrow at noon--Naked coughing fits are not sexy in the slightest.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Natural Au Naturel
So is it a bad thing that you're an apparent natural at standing around in the altogether in front of a group of strangers? At the end of the 2 hour class, while gathering my things and going over paper work, the Professor himself couldn't believe this was my first time.
I get there early. Of course now worried about little things like stomach rumblings, having to wee, gasses leaking audibly from one's body... Typical public speaking worries that have haunted all of humanity since the dawn of civilization... Still the only willies I have though. I walk into the gallery and there's the Professor coming toward the door. He gives me the grand tour. The building is an old turn of the century store with two fronts--The gallery side and the studio side (in the very front anyway). Behind the gallery is what will end up being my dressing (or UN dressing...) room. behind the studio is another studio. It sort of goes like that back till the bathrooms and the stairway at the back of the building. Up the stairs are the photography and graphic design studios and the offices. The Professors office is just as messy as one would expect. He cleared me a seat on a holey arm chair and we discussed exactly how the next two hours would go.
As I feared yet was also a little relieved to hear, I'd be coming up with my own poses. That's about as much info as I got. We went back down stairs and he tried to figure out where my changing room would be... What I would wear during breaks and between rooms ("Oh... I wasn't thinking about it. I should have told you to bring a robe....They just always bring one so I wasn't thinking about telling you that..."). I had worn my red coat for this exact reason. I had a feeling I probably should have brought a robe... But as I really didn't have that much information about the whole deal, I just came prepared with my long glorious red jacket.
Two students had arrived now. They were hanging out in the gallery as we came to the door to the studio. One was a geeky college aged boy. One was a nifty middle aged woman eating a plate of Zaxby's. "Is this our model?" She asked.
"Yeah," The Professor replied. "This is Erica."
"You go girl!"
I just smiled and laughed and walked into the studio. The studio had a front wall of windows and a glass door, all of which had been covered with black curtains for today's class. The two side walls were exposed brick. The back wall was plaster. All of them were covered with art, same as the gallery. One particular painting was awesome. It was a pig sitting at a table with a human head with an apple in its mouth on a plate in front of him. On the pig's fork was a human hand. The room was utter perfection. No plinth. Just a few easels, stools, and lights circling a cream colored quilt on the floor.
The Professor turned up the heat and we stood there talking. Soon the students joined us. I don't recall their names now. I really liked the middle aged woman. Soon a middle aged man joined us as well. Questions were popping around everywhere. From me, To me, About me.... "So have you done this before?"
"Oh yeah, she's a pro," said The Professor.
I over exaggerated, "Oh yeah, I've done this LOOAAADDDDS of times..." I'm not sure if they caught my sarcasm.
It was getting hot now and more students were filing in. The class, I was told, was 10 students. Today it was 6 and apparently only one was missing. Only two males. The geek and the man. And the Professor of course. The rest were college aged girls and the woman. The girls didn't talk a whole lot to me at first. They were cordial and all. No jealousy as one might would imagine. I halfway expected a little. I was smaller than all of them, older, younger looking, AND had enough confidence to shed my clothing in front of a class of college kids and not show any nervousness at all... I'd probably be a little jealous if the role was reversed. Wishing I had the balls, wishing I was that comfortable in my own skin. But they didn't show any, even if they did feel it. They just sort of came in, got ready, kinda met me... That would change. Very quickly.
It was a little after twelve and we'd decided the missing girl had not been in any classes today so she must not be coming to this one. So the Professor walked over with me to the changing room, made sure the windows and what not were covered, and found me a chair to lay my clothes on. I laughed a little to myself while I took off my boots, shed my socks, and started shimmying out of blue jeans. Still not an ounce of nervousness. I was trying to figure out poses. All of them today would be standing. We'd be doing short quick positions first then one long pose. Poses are not easy to come up with. I throw my coat back on and walk barefoot back to the studio.
They're not quite ready yet. They're discussing the plan, what papers to use, what pencils to use, as I stand there against the wall with my coat pulled tightly around me. I'm burning up. BUT I do still have clothing on... So I figure I'll wait till the drawing begins to decide if I need the space heaters right beside me. "Okay, if everybody's ready, lets get started," the Professor says. Moment of truth. Still no butterflies. No anxiety. No nervousness. I step between the easels to my off white stage and drop the red off both shoulders in one fluid motion. I lay the sheath beside me and move myself into the center of the circle.
It was as natural a setting one could ever imagine for me, as though I was back in my native habitat. I stood there open, easy, motionless. The Professor walked around the room giving tips and pointers, telling them technique, making the students laugh, making me laugh. "She's a natual at this,"someone says. "Yeah. She's really good," from another. "Ok. New position." I moved. I shifted my weight. I lifted my arms above my head. I reached outward. I twisted my spine. I held onto my collar bone. I held my arm outward as though it was reaching for a lovers hand. "Wow," the Professor said. "We'll make this a short one!" He had originally said to me AND the class that the first poses would be roughly 30 seconds. His 30 seconds all last between 3 and 5 minutes.
Around the room the scratch of pencil and charcoal could be heard against news print. Everyone commented on how still I was. How they couldn't do it. The woman made a comment about her life would be easier if she just had her digital camera. I said I don't do nude photography, which brought laughs from the whole class. The girls opened up. They made fun of themselves, made fun of their art. Made comments like, "Ok, when you see this, DON'T get offended" or "Oh my god, I made your head like, SO fat!" I'd laugh along with them, sometimes commenting back, but never moving my body. Amazingly I never got an itch or the urge to sneeze... Yawning, though, I realized, tried to happen frequently. "You doing ok?" the Professor asked.
"Yeah, I'm doing fine."
And then a shot rang out! The middle aged man's easels had clips that startled us all! The girls to the right of me jumped. I was proud. Somehow I only managed a look of surprise and then laughter. Each time the man had to turn to a new sheet of paper the same thing. "Gunshot", Startled jumps and slight shrieks, then laughter.
Time for a break. I grab my jacket off the floor and wrap up in it. Everyone made a chain, walking around the room, comparing their work. I joined in. I wanted to see how I looked immortalized in art (that of course would be thrown away later except the geeky guy's). Some were good, some were great, some were... not so much. But in nearly all of them my boobs looked AWESOME. I, of course, commented on this. "My boobs look Amazing! I mean, I'm pretty ok with the rest of me but those could definitely be a little bigger" I say. Everyone laughs. I get told I'm wrong and that they really do look like that in real life and that they're cute. That everything about me is cute. I say "Yeah, CUTE. I notice you did not use nice and large and voluptuous to described them!" The Professor laughed at me.
Again the conversations start. Now more of them though--The girls have opened up too. More of them about me this time, rather than questions. Comments of "I could never hold still that long..." and "I don't see how you do it!" and "I love her coat!" Etc. It's like everything about me just amazed them. And in all honestly I really had not had a problem at all. Every once in a while I'd have to pause to figure out what pose I would do next, even though that was all I had thought about during the last pose. It was very hot now, though, so we turned off the heat. The lights themselves were like small fires and when we unplugged the heaters they got even brighter.
The geeky kid asked the Professor if I could turn toward him because so far he had only really gotten to draw one side of me. I'm SURE that was the ONLY reason he wanted a frontal view.
We started again. Pose after pose after pose. The professor was challenging them to draw in a fluid motion, to follow the weight line, to get the entire figure on the paper, to get the entire figure on the paper in under a minute. Practice was going to perfect this. Half the class was spent on these short poses. The other half of the class would be one long pose. Then they would start working on details, rather than just the figure. I could feel sweat on my sholders, my back, my ass, among other regions... My hands started to slide on my hips. I didn't really FEEL hot... And I knew if we did anything to lower the temperature that I would be cold... But now a hint of nervousness came in. Only because I could not wipe the sweat away. It started to feel like it was rolling down... I thought it'd be sort of embarassing for it to roll down and drip off my bum with everyone in the room's eyes focused only on me. Silliness I thought. It's hot. AND none of them are naked in front of a group of strangers... They would think nothing at all of me being sweaty.
Suddenly another startling sound. This time an absolutely abnoxious hot rod engine right outside the front windows. I may have even jumped this time. The geeky boy went to the window and opened the curtain and looked out. One of the girls was like, "You might not want to do that!" I hadn't even realized why that was a big deal (ya know... me standing there in my birthday suit and everything...) til then. "Yeah," I said. "I'm fine with doing this for the advancement of art and education but I'm sure the type of person driving a car that sounds like THAT is NOT someone I want fantasizing about me later" (which, of course, again brought laughter to the whole room).
Still they go on about how amazing I am. Still they pick on their mistakes. Still they make me laugh. Time for another break. Again I walk around the room. Their work gets better and better. Each pose nearly completely drawn on each of their papers now. No huge heads or huge feet or tiny hands. Everything nearly perfectly proportional. I end up sitting through this break, my bare bottom directly on the stool. The geeky kid comes over and joins in the conversation between me, The Professor, and the middle agers (both man AND woman). Apparently the man is an amazing painter. I add my input on websites and business cards and a little about the art scene in Athens. I fit right in with the group. We all talk like old friends, not as strangers. The break lasts a while this time. Everyone caught up in their conversations.
"You really haven't ever done this before," asked the woman.
"I really haven't."
"Well you're a natural. You're doing great!"
"Thanks! I just act like I know what I'm doing. You can get away with anything that way. I'm also really good at believing myself..."
The Professor announces we're about to get started on the long pose. The students ask for more short poses, more practice. The Professor doesn't grant them their wishes and I am glad. I was running out of ideas.
I pull my hair up for this pose, so the students can see my neckline and collar bones. I turn toward the wall so I'm not flashing flesh from the middle of my coat and try my best to pull my hair up in my usual little twist. It feels lumpy. Not to embarassment or anything, but I said it looked like crap. I was reassured it didn't by the middle aged woman. "I couldn't do that," she said. I'm still not sure if she meant she couldn't pull her hair up without a mirror or she couldn't stand naked in front of people. I step to the center of the circle again and shed my coat. "Nobody make fun of my hair! I know it looks awful" I say.
"Oh my god" said one of the girls who had been making me laugh all class. "It looks fine. Plus we would NEVER make fun of you for ANYTHING" (of course making me laugh again).
I decide to go with a position I had practiced often behind the doctor's back while standing in the patients room. I put my weight on the right foot, put my left wrist on my hip with my fingers pointed backwards and wrapped my right arm across my belly till I was holding my left wrist in my grip. The students had one minute to get my form on the paper. They did not succeed. The professor gave them one minute more. I'm not sure if they succeeded in that minute but either way they moved on to adding details. "Oh my goodness, when you see this you are going to hate me," the woman said.
"Keep drawing my boobs the way you have been and I'll love you for life!"
The Professor asked me a few times if I was ok. I, of course, was. I held this pose for around 20 minutes before he announced another break. By then my wrist was killing me. Silly silly me. I should have known not to do that, curl my wrist in and brace it against my waist... But I had. And we were going to have at LEAST another 10 minutes of holding it that way. I sat down and flexed it. Of course commenting on the fact that I was fine and the only thing bothering me was holding my wrist that way for so long. Again this amazed everyone.
We go again. This time I'd put my foot in the wrong place and kept having to shift it. I could feel the nails in the hardwood floors through the quilt and I had to place them perfectly in my arch or they got on my nerves. After I finally got that adjusted, and after some more laughs, before I knew it we were done. Everyone was disappointed they didn't have time to finish. I said I charged more for overtime and everyone laughed.
I put my coat back on and we made a train around the room again, looking at the end products. The girl who had said they'd never make fun of me had nearly every feature in her drawing, even the twist of my hair. Her's and the middle aged woman's were the best. Then I ended up back against the wall while everyone gathered their things. Everyone told me thank you and
gave me a round of applause and went on some more about how awesome I was and how they couldn't possibly hold that still for that long. Nearly everyone had gone when I made my way back across the hall to put my clothes back on. I felt elated. I had had a blast. I hadn't been nervous at all. Everyone in the class had great personalities and seemed to think I did as well! It was amazing. It wasn't far from what I expected, but I really didn't expect to go on and joke and laugh with everyone the whole time I was there.
I head up to the Professor's office. He comes in shortly after me. "So? How'd it go? You doing ok?"
"Yeah," I reply. "It was awesome! I had a lot of fun."
"You really hadn't ever done this before?"
"No..."
"You were great! I mean, really great."
"Like I said, I just tell myself I know what I'm doing... And I'm really good at making myself believe it. I can't wait till Wednesday. Maybe Erin (the other model) will cancel for next week."
"You were amazing. I'd love to have you here more."
I met my mom for lunch. She's somewhat changed her opinion... Or at least I'm going to think she has. I had completely forgotten that I was even naked. You just don't realize it. I mean, I guess you may if you're really self conscious of your body or what not... But I forgot unless I looked down and saw my boobs just poking out there. Then I'm like, Oh... Yeah... I don't have any clothes on. The other times I didn't care about how small my boobs were, or if I had cellulite showing in my ass or if they thought the way I had trimmed my ... bikini line ... was weird (which is always a funny worry... Like when you go to the gynecologist... "Oh, is she going to think this particular design is odd?").
So should I worry about being great at standing around naked in public? Maybe I should. But you all know I'm not going to.
I get there early. Of course now worried about little things like stomach rumblings, having to wee, gasses leaking audibly from one's body... Typical public speaking worries that have haunted all of humanity since the dawn of civilization... Still the only willies I have though. I walk into the gallery and there's the Professor coming toward the door. He gives me the grand tour. The building is an old turn of the century store with two fronts--The gallery side and the studio side (in the very front anyway). Behind the gallery is what will end up being my dressing (or UN dressing...) room. behind the studio is another studio. It sort of goes like that back till the bathrooms and the stairway at the back of the building. Up the stairs are the photography and graphic design studios and the offices. The Professors office is just as messy as one would expect. He cleared me a seat on a holey arm chair and we discussed exactly how the next two hours would go.
As I feared yet was also a little relieved to hear, I'd be coming up with my own poses. That's about as much info as I got. We went back down stairs and he tried to figure out where my changing room would be... What I would wear during breaks and between rooms ("Oh... I wasn't thinking about it. I should have told you to bring a robe....They just always bring one so I wasn't thinking about telling you that..."). I had worn my red coat for this exact reason. I had a feeling I probably should have brought a robe... But as I really didn't have that much information about the whole deal, I just came prepared with my long glorious red jacket.
Two students had arrived now. They were hanging out in the gallery as we came to the door to the studio. One was a geeky college aged boy. One was a nifty middle aged woman eating a plate of Zaxby's. "Is this our model?" She asked.
"Yeah," The Professor replied. "This is Erica."
"You go girl!"
I just smiled and laughed and walked into the studio. The studio had a front wall of windows and a glass door, all of which had been covered with black curtains for today's class. The two side walls were exposed brick. The back wall was plaster. All of them were covered with art, same as the gallery. One particular painting was awesome. It was a pig sitting at a table with a human head with an apple in its mouth on a plate in front of him. On the pig's fork was a human hand. The room was utter perfection. No plinth. Just a few easels, stools, and lights circling a cream colored quilt on the floor.
The Professor turned up the heat and we stood there talking. Soon the students joined us. I don't recall their names now. I really liked the middle aged woman. Soon a middle aged man joined us as well. Questions were popping around everywhere. From me, To me, About me.... "So have you done this before?"
"Oh yeah, she's a pro," said The Professor.
I over exaggerated, "Oh yeah, I've done this LOOAAADDDDS of times..." I'm not sure if they caught my sarcasm.
It was getting hot now and more students were filing in. The class, I was told, was 10 students. Today it was 6 and apparently only one was missing. Only two males. The geek and the man. And the Professor of course. The rest were college aged girls and the woman. The girls didn't talk a whole lot to me at first. They were cordial and all. No jealousy as one might would imagine. I halfway expected a little. I was smaller than all of them, older, younger looking, AND had enough confidence to shed my clothing in front of a class of college kids and not show any nervousness at all... I'd probably be a little jealous if the role was reversed. Wishing I had the balls, wishing I was that comfortable in my own skin. But they didn't show any, even if they did feel it. They just sort of came in, got ready, kinda met me... That would change. Very quickly.
It was a little after twelve and we'd decided the missing girl had not been in any classes today so she must not be coming to this one. So the Professor walked over with me to the changing room, made sure the windows and what not were covered, and found me a chair to lay my clothes on. I laughed a little to myself while I took off my boots, shed my socks, and started shimmying out of blue jeans. Still not an ounce of nervousness. I was trying to figure out poses. All of them today would be standing. We'd be doing short quick positions first then one long pose. Poses are not easy to come up with. I throw my coat back on and walk barefoot back to the studio.
They're not quite ready yet. They're discussing the plan, what papers to use, what pencils to use, as I stand there against the wall with my coat pulled tightly around me. I'm burning up. BUT I do still have clothing on... So I figure I'll wait till the drawing begins to decide if I need the space heaters right beside me. "Okay, if everybody's ready, lets get started," the Professor says. Moment of truth. Still no butterflies. No anxiety. No nervousness. I step between the easels to my off white stage and drop the red off both shoulders in one fluid motion. I lay the sheath beside me and move myself into the center of the circle.
It was as natural a setting one could ever imagine for me, as though I was back in my native habitat. I stood there open, easy, motionless. The Professor walked around the room giving tips and pointers, telling them technique, making the students laugh, making me laugh. "She's a natual at this,"someone says. "Yeah. She's really good," from another. "Ok. New position." I moved. I shifted my weight. I lifted my arms above my head. I reached outward. I twisted my spine. I held onto my collar bone. I held my arm outward as though it was reaching for a lovers hand. "Wow," the Professor said. "We'll make this a short one!" He had originally said to me AND the class that the first poses would be roughly 30 seconds. His 30 seconds all last between 3 and 5 minutes.
Around the room the scratch of pencil and charcoal could be heard against news print. Everyone commented on how still I was. How they couldn't do it. The woman made a comment about her life would be easier if she just had her digital camera. I said I don't do nude photography, which brought laughs from the whole class. The girls opened up. They made fun of themselves, made fun of their art. Made comments like, "Ok, when you see this, DON'T get offended" or "Oh my god, I made your head like, SO fat!" I'd laugh along with them, sometimes commenting back, but never moving my body. Amazingly I never got an itch or the urge to sneeze... Yawning, though, I realized, tried to happen frequently. "You doing ok?" the Professor asked.
"Yeah, I'm doing fine."
And then a shot rang out! The middle aged man's easels had clips that startled us all! The girls to the right of me jumped. I was proud. Somehow I only managed a look of surprise and then laughter. Each time the man had to turn to a new sheet of paper the same thing. "Gunshot", Startled jumps and slight shrieks, then laughter.
Time for a break. I grab my jacket off the floor and wrap up in it. Everyone made a chain, walking around the room, comparing their work. I joined in. I wanted to see how I looked immortalized in art (that of course would be thrown away later except the geeky guy's). Some were good, some were great, some were... not so much. But in nearly all of them my boobs looked AWESOME. I, of course, commented on this. "My boobs look Amazing! I mean, I'm pretty ok with the rest of me but those could definitely be a little bigger" I say. Everyone laughs. I get told I'm wrong and that they really do look like that in real life and that they're cute. That everything about me is cute. I say "Yeah, CUTE. I notice you did not use nice and large and voluptuous to described them!" The Professor laughed at me.
Again the conversations start. Now more of them though--The girls have opened up too. More of them about me this time, rather than questions. Comments of "I could never hold still that long..." and "I don't see how you do it!" and "I love her coat!" Etc. It's like everything about me just amazed them. And in all honestly I really had not had a problem at all. Every once in a while I'd have to pause to figure out what pose I would do next, even though that was all I had thought about during the last pose. It was very hot now, though, so we turned off the heat. The lights themselves were like small fires and when we unplugged the heaters they got even brighter.
The geeky kid asked the Professor if I could turn toward him because so far he had only really gotten to draw one side of me. I'm SURE that was the ONLY reason he wanted a frontal view.
We started again. Pose after pose after pose. The professor was challenging them to draw in a fluid motion, to follow the weight line, to get the entire figure on the paper, to get the entire figure on the paper in under a minute. Practice was going to perfect this. Half the class was spent on these short poses. The other half of the class would be one long pose. Then they would start working on details, rather than just the figure. I could feel sweat on my sholders, my back, my ass, among other regions... My hands started to slide on my hips. I didn't really FEEL hot... And I knew if we did anything to lower the temperature that I would be cold... But now a hint of nervousness came in. Only because I could not wipe the sweat away. It started to feel like it was rolling down... I thought it'd be sort of embarassing for it to roll down and drip off my bum with everyone in the room's eyes focused only on me. Silliness I thought. It's hot. AND none of them are naked in front of a group of strangers... They would think nothing at all of me being sweaty.
Suddenly another startling sound. This time an absolutely abnoxious hot rod engine right outside the front windows. I may have even jumped this time. The geeky boy went to the window and opened the curtain and looked out. One of the girls was like, "You might not want to do that!" I hadn't even realized why that was a big deal (ya know... me standing there in my birthday suit and everything...) til then. "Yeah," I said. "I'm fine with doing this for the advancement of art and education but I'm sure the type of person driving a car that sounds like THAT is NOT someone I want fantasizing about me later" (which, of course, again brought laughter to the whole room).
Still they go on about how amazing I am. Still they pick on their mistakes. Still they make me laugh. Time for another break. Again I walk around the room. Their work gets better and better. Each pose nearly completely drawn on each of their papers now. No huge heads or huge feet or tiny hands. Everything nearly perfectly proportional. I end up sitting through this break, my bare bottom directly on the stool. The geeky kid comes over and joins in the conversation between me, The Professor, and the middle agers (both man AND woman). Apparently the man is an amazing painter. I add my input on websites and business cards and a little about the art scene in Athens. I fit right in with the group. We all talk like old friends, not as strangers. The break lasts a while this time. Everyone caught up in their conversations.
"You really haven't ever done this before," asked the woman.
"I really haven't."
"Well you're a natural. You're doing great!"
"Thanks! I just act like I know what I'm doing. You can get away with anything that way. I'm also really good at believing myself..."
The Professor announces we're about to get started on the long pose. The students ask for more short poses, more practice. The Professor doesn't grant them their wishes and I am glad. I was running out of ideas.
I pull my hair up for this pose, so the students can see my neckline and collar bones. I turn toward the wall so I'm not flashing flesh from the middle of my coat and try my best to pull my hair up in my usual little twist. It feels lumpy. Not to embarassment or anything, but I said it looked like crap. I was reassured it didn't by the middle aged woman. "I couldn't do that," she said. I'm still not sure if she meant she couldn't pull her hair up without a mirror or she couldn't stand naked in front of people. I step to the center of the circle again and shed my coat. "Nobody make fun of my hair! I know it looks awful" I say.
"Oh my god" said one of the girls who had been making me laugh all class. "It looks fine. Plus we would NEVER make fun of you for ANYTHING" (of course making me laugh again).
I decide to go with a position I had practiced often behind the doctor's back while standing in the patients room. I put my weight on the right foot, put my left wrist on my hip with my fingers pointed backwards and wrapped my right arm across my belly till I was holding my left wrist in my grip. The students had one minute to get my form on the paper. They did not succeed. The professor gave them one minute more. I'm not sure if they succeeded in that minute but either way they moved on to adding details. "Oh my goodness, when you see this you are going to hate me," the woman said.
"Keep drawing my boobs the way you have been and I'll love you for life!"
The Professor asked me a few times if I was ok. I, of course, was. I held this pose for around 20 minutes before he announced another break. By then my wrist was killing me. Silly silly me. I should have known not to do that, curl my wrist in and brace it against my waist... But I had. And we were going to have at LEAST another 10 minutes of holding it that way. I sat down and flexed it. Of course commenting on the fact that I was fine and the only thing bothering me was holding my wrist that way for so long. Again this amazed everyone.
We go again. This time I'd put my foot in the wrong place and kept having to shift it. I could feel the nails in the hardwood floors through the quilt and I had to place them perfectly in my arch or they got on my nerves. After I finally got that adjusted, and after some more laughs, before I knew it we were done. Everyone was disappointed they didn't have time to finish. I said I charged more for overtime and everyone laughed.
I put my coat back on and we made a train around the room again, looking at the end products. The girl who had said they'd never make fun of me had nearly every feature in her drawing, even the twist of my hair. Her's and the middle aged woman's were the best. Then I ended up back against the wall while everyone gathered their things. Everyone told me thank you and
gave me a round of applause and went on some more about how awesome I was and how they couldn't possibly hold that still for that long. Nearly everyone had gone when I made my way back across the hall to put my clothes back on. I felt elated. I had had a blast. I hadn't been nervous at all. Everyone in the class had great personalities and seemed to think I did as well! It was amazing. It wasn't far from what I expected, but I really didn't expect to go on and joke and laugh with everyone the whole time I was there.
I head up to the Professor's office. He comes in shortly after me. "So? How'd it go? You doing ok?"
"Yeah," I reply. "It was awesome! I had a lot of fun."
"You really hadn't ever done this before?"
"No..."
"You were great! I mean, really great."
"Like I said, I just tell myself I know what I'm doing... And I'm really good at making myself believe it. I can't wait till Wednesday. Maybe Erin (the other model) will cancel for next week."
"You were amazing. I'd love to have you here more."
I met my mom for lunch. She's somewhat changed her opinion... Or at least I'm going to think she has. I had completely forgotten that I was even naked. You just don't realize it. I mean, I guess you may if you're really self conscious of your body or what not... But I forgot unless I looked down and saw my boobs just poking out there. Then I'm like, Oh... Yeah... I don't have any clothes on. The other times I didn't care about how small my boobs were, or if I had cellulite showing in my ass or if they thought the way I had trimmed my ... bikini line ... was weird (which is always a funny worry... Like when you go to the gynecologist... "Oh, is she going to think this particular design is odd?").
So should I worry about being great at standing around naked in public? Maybe I should. But you all know I'm not going to.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Enrollment just rose by 50%
I'm the type of person that TIME means EVERYTHING. Don't get me wrong, I love love, and money is pretty ok, and friends are awesome... But you can have ALL of those in the world and if you don't have any TIME to spend with any of them, what's really the point? So I like having a lot of time. If I waste it, at least it is mine to waste. Seeing as time is one of the very most important resources in life, to me it is also very expensive. I am not willing to do a lot of things for a small amount of money simply for the fact that I personally believe my time alone is worth more than that, not including whatever labor is expected as well. Hence why I quit my job Friday.
Most people would be scared half to death to do such a thing, especially in this economy... I know. I went nearly all of last year jobless... it's not (entirely) fun. My mom told me that very morning that people went to jobs they hated everyday because they had responsibilities, etc., that whole spiel... I told her those people were too afraid to live their lives the way they wanted to and that I was not going to reserve myself to live like such people just because a piece of paper says I owe someone more pieces of paper... Mind I am a responsible person. I own up to my mistakes, I answer for my actions, etc. BUT there are things in life that you just cannot spend your entire life worrying about them. Money is one of them. Money comes. Money goes. I don't really worry at all about money. So that definitely was not going to be a reason to stay at a job.
I worked at a doctor's office, by the way. I have absolutely no educational background in the medical field. I suppose I was "lucky" to have gotten the job... But see, the thing is, I've never had a dream to work in a medical profession of any kind. Especially not one that deals only with feet... I have big dreams and little dreams. My big dream is to be a singer. I used to want to be a country singer cause I like their lifestyles. Lately I'm not completely sure. My little dreams (dreams that will be nice incase the big dream doesn't come true) are in real estate. FAR from the medical field. I'd like to rehab properties, develop affordable and NICE, safe housing for low income families, veterans, and the elderly, and I'd like to sooner rather than later be an appraiser. NONE of these things will be possible working 60 hours a week so someone else can live their dreams. And after I saw my paycheck Thursday night (after some... "misunderstandings" about my hours) it became very apparent that they weren't willing to pay me any amount close to what I thought 60 hours of my time was worth let alone for the work I did while there. So I went in Friday and quit. Which sounds crazy... but ironically enough at a recent conference I was REQUIRED to attend for said office (WITHOUT pay) I heard that only radical changes in one's life bring one closer to living a successful one (life). Hmm... Guess that's not the best place to take overworked, underpaid employees to teach them more about their jobs...
So anyway. When you close one door the draft opens a window... So I had an email in my inbox a few weeks ago that I had yet to respond to from a professor with whom I'd been discussing a job in the art department at the college. I got home from work (haha) Friday morning about 9:15 AM and decided to email him back. That afternoon I checked my email and he'd sent back about the position (still open) and he was meeting with some fellow hopefuls at Starbucks at 5. Damn. It was 5:23... So I emailed back that I could meet him tomorrow, same place, 2 PM. Great for both of us.
I start on Monday.
Technically now it IS Monday. I'm not exactly nervous. Not about standing naked in front of 10 or so art students roughly the same age as me.. (oh damn. I just remembered that although I will probably be the oldest one there aside from the Professor, I look 12. Ugh...Anyway...) It's just the slight anxiety of not knowing exactly what will be expected of me (as it is for anyone with any job). LUCKILY for me, though, it is my first time as an artist model and it is also their first time having a model in class. It may actually be the first time the college has had live models for it's life drawing course... So if I do sort of mess up a bit only the professor will know. (He came from another college and worked very hard to get models approved for the class.)
So I've been researching. Or trying to, at least. Google it. It's not the easiest thing to get actual information on. I have come across a few blogs though that discuss experiences and etc. which have put what slight curiosities I have at rest. Of course every class and every college will be different though. I am, at least, very at ease with my body. Well.... my boobs could be bigger, but my fat content could also be higher so I will take the 32 B's I have anyday. Currently my skin is clear so I don't have any like, back pimples to worry about (Like none of those snotty nosed little barely post pubescent adolescents don't have any!), AND I do have a cute butt to make up for my small boobs, not that these serious little art students will be concerned about any of that anyway. They'll me meticulously perfecting my every angle and every curve without a thought of who I am or if I'm pretty or fat or skinny or ugly. I am just a mere subject.
Bull shit. I know it's supposed to be pretty much the same as taking your clothes off in front of your doctor, but everyone is judgemental. I especially know this since working in a doctors office. They may not act that way when you're in front of them, but later on they'll be telling their families over Christmas dinner about their experiences drawing the naked Jack or Jill in College art. (I know this from experience as well!)
As I said though, I'm not at all nervous about stripping down for the advancement of art and education. I am very satisfied with the body God gave me. I even think it's sexy and cute! Mind I AM biased though... It's just the not knowing. Not knowing what poses I'm supposed to do till I get there. Not knowing if I really AM going to be strong enough to hold them for 20 minutes at a time. Not knowing if I will have to actually undress in front of the class (kinda hard... Kinda sexual) or if I'll have a dressing area and then only a robe to shed after I am standing on the plinth. These are the things I wonder about. Again not really nervous, not really anxious... Just curious. Not long left to wait now. My wondering shall be ended at high noon. Hmm... I think I shall get there a little early
Most people would be scared half to death to do such a thing, especially in this economy... I know. I went nearly all of last year jobless... it's not (entirely) fun. My mom told me that very morning that people went to jobs they hated everyday because they had responsibilities, etc., that whole spiel... I told her those people were too afraid to live their lives the way they wanted to and that I was not going to reserve myself to live like such people just because a piece of paper says I owe someone more pieces of paper... Mind I am a responsible person. I own up to my mistakes, I answer for my actions, etc. BUT there are things in life that you just cannot spend your entire life worrying about them. Money is one of them. Money comes. Money goes. I don't really worry at all about money. So that definitely was not going to be a reason to stay at a job.
I worked at a doctor's office, by the way. I have absolutely no educational background in the medical field. I suppose I was "lucky" to have gotten the job... But see, the thing is, I've never had a dream to work in a medical profession of any kind. Especially not one that deals only with feet... I have big dreams and little dreams. My big dream is to be a singer. I used to want to be a country singer cause I like their lifestyles. Lately I'm not completely sure. My little dreams (dreams that will be nice incase the big dream doesn't come true) are in real estate. FAR from the medical field. I'd like to rehab properties, develop affordable and NICE, safe housing for low income families, veterans, and the elderly, and I'd like to sooner rather than later be an appraiser. NONE of these things will be possible working 60 hours a week so someone else can live their dreams. And after I saw my paycheck Thursday night (after some... "misunderstandings" about my hours) it became very apparent that they weren't willing to pay me any amount close to what I thought 60 hours of my time was worth let alone for the work I did while there. So I went in Friday and quit. Which sounds crazy... but ironically enough at a recent conference I was REQUIRED to attend for said office (WITHOUT pay) I heard that only radical changes in one's life bring one closer to living a successful one (life). Hmm... Guess that's not the best place to take overworked, underpaid employees to teach them more about their jobs...
So anyway. When you close one door the draft opens a window... So I had an email in my inbox a few weeks ago that I had yet to respond to from a professor with whom I'd been discussing a job in the art department at the college. I got home from work (haha) Friday morning about 9:15 AM and decided to email him back. That afternoon I checked my email and he'd sent back about the position (still open) and he was meeting with some fellow hopefuls at Starbucks at 5. Damn. It was 5:23... So I emailed back that I could meet him tomorrow, same place, 2 PM. Great for both of us.
I start on Monday.
Technically now it IS Monday. I'm not exactly nervous. Not about standing naked in front of 10 or so art students roughly the same age as me.. (oh damn. I just remembered that although I will probably be the oldest one there aside from the Professor, I look 12. Ugh...Anyway...) It's just the slight anxiety of not knowing exactly what will be expected of me (as it is for anyone with any job). LUCKILY for me, though, it is my first time as an artist model and it is also their first time having a model in class. It may actually be the first time the college has had live models for it's life drawing course... So if I do sort of mess up a bit only the professor will know. (He came from another college and worked very hard to get models approved for the class.)
So I've been researching. Or trying to, at least. Google it. It's not the easiest thing to get actual information on. I have come across a few blogs though that discuss experiences and etc. which have put what slight curiosities I have at rest. Of course every class and every college will be different though. I am, at least, very at ease with my body. Well.... my boobs could be bigger, but my fat content could also be higher so I will take the 32 B's I have anyday. Currently my skin is clear so I don't have any like, back pimples to worry about (Like none of those snotty nosed little barely post pubescent adolescents don't have any!), AND I do have a cute butt to make up for my small boobs, not that these serious little art students will be concerned about any of that anyway. They'll me meticulously perfecting my every angle and every curve without a thought of who I am or if I'm pretty or fat or skinny or ugly. I am just a mere subject.
Bull shit. I know it's supposed to be pretty much the same as taking your clothes off in front of your doctor, but everyone is judgemental. I especially know this since working in a doctors office. They may not act that way when you're in front of them, but later on they'll be telling their families over Christmas dinner about their experiences drawing the naked Jack or Jill in College art. (I know this from experience as well!)
As I said though, I'm not at all nervous about stripping down for the advancement of art and education. I am very satisfied with the body God gave me. I even think it's sexy and cute! Mind I AM biased though... It's just the not knowing. Not knowing what poses I'm supposed to do till I get there. Not knowing if I really AM going to be strong enough to hold them for 20 minutes at a time. Not knowing if I will have to actually undress in front of the class (kinda hard... Kinda sexual) or if I'll have a dressing area and then only a robe to shed after I am standing on the plinth. These are the things I wonder about. Again not really nervous, not really anxious... Just curious. Not long left to wait now. My wondering shall be ended at high noon. Hmm... I think I shall get there a little early
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
